This afternoon, I decided to start reading the mountain heaps of books that I have invested in the last 3 years.

I picked up the book that I bought a couple of years ago by Max Lucado titled: "When God whispers your name".

Well, I bought this book with a reason, cause of its attention-getting title. When I first came to City Harvest, on 2 separate occasions, I heard someone calling my name when there was nobody around. I turned around and saw no one. After that, I realised it was God who was calling me. But I did not answered. So when I saw this book, I thought I should get it. As usual, I would leave it somewhere till I have the time to read it.

Today, I started from the first chapter again. I had a new revelation reading this same old chapter that I read several years ago. The title of the chapter is named : "The Song of the Minstrel".

In this chapter, Max and his wife Denalyn went shopping with his 3 children at an antique shop. All of a sudden, some nice piano music got into his ears and he searched for the source. He saw a girl playing the piano there and to his surprise, that was his girl, Andrea. He thought to himself that perhaps Andrea had gotten the genes from his side of the family. But as he drew closer, he realised that Andre was "playing" a player piano. He saw the delight in her face. She attempted to play "Chopsticks" but ended up playing "The Sound of Music" that couldn't fail.

He concluded that did God not do the same thing for us? He prepared a "player piano" for us to follow. All we have to do is follow and we would not fail.

Sometimes in life, I do go through things that I do not know how to go pass a certain crisis or to do a certain thing well. I always will try to go my own way and try to do certain things. But I simply forgotten the fact or the art of following. God has already planned out a route for us to take that He has blessed the path and prepared the necessities that we need to go through it. All we need to do is just to follow, but our stubborn "sheep" nature will often get us lost.

I pray that from today that I may recognise the voice of my Lord and the hands of my God so that when He stretches it out to lead me, I will just follow :)

The Beatitudes

Then He lifted up His eyes toward His disciples, and said:
“ Blessed are you poor,
For yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who hunger now,
For you shall be filled.
Blessed are you who weep now,
For you shall laugh.
Blessed are you when men hate you,
And when they exclude you,
And revile you, and cast out your name as evil,
For the Son of Man’s sake.
Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!
For indeed your reward is great in heaven,
For in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

Jesus Pronounces Woes

“ But woe to you who are rich,
For you have received your consolation.
Woe to you who are full,
For you shall hunger.
Woe to you who laugh now,
For you shall mourn and weep.
Woe to you[a] when all men speak well of you,
For so did their fathers to the false prophets.

Luke 6:20-26

God, I am a lump of clay in Your hands. Mould me in Your way. Do and undo and redo all at Your will till the perfection You intended for me is accomplished. Amen!

This is the sudden thought that I had while reading the bible and remembering what Xinjun said about my spiritual growth. She said that it boomed till high and went for a dip and plateaued till now.

All of a sudden, I remembered a sermon that I think was preached by Pastor Kong or Pastor Ulf. It was about an analogy of God is doing pottery and the pots are us. We are initially a lump of clay and God was forming us from water and clay. Some way through God realised that there was an impurity there, He decided to restart again.

It made me realised that I had been hit a reset button by God. My growth rocketed but it won't be steady if I rocketed too fast. He brought me back to ground zero and made me grow bit by bit or even allowing me to plateau to let me see the importance of growing steadily in His Kingdom and my walk with Him.

There is no overnight maturity. Without the necessary experiences, how can maturity come? It is just His way of training me. I thank You Lord and I can proudly say I am ready to step out and start growing again at Your pace now.

I realised that I regained some part of my sanity and spirituality especially with the things I did today and being able to be in sync with the world again. I was very amazed by it.

Finally I have start to step out of my own desert and walk towards the Oasis that God has prepared for me.

Finally.

Yesterday, Pastor Kong preached about the topic on LOVE.

Pastor Kong preached that there are 4 ways of expressing love in Greek language.

1) Storge (Love of family)
2) Eros (Love of passion)
3) Phileo (Love of friendship)
4) Agape (Love of total commitment. It can also be interpreted as the love for God.)

His focus was on Agape the love for God and total commitment and based on Ephesians 3:18.

"may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height" - Ephesians 3:18 (NKJV)

#1 Width of God's Love

God is broadminded, welcoming and all accepting.

#2 Length of God's Love

Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens;
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the great mountains;
Your judgments are a great deep;
O LORD, You preserve man and beast.
- Psalm 36:5-6 (NKJV)

God is ever loving, everlasting and limitless. He is ever patient and long suffering with us. He loves us so much that He grants every desires of our heart and every prayers of ours even after we pass on from earth.

#3 Height of God's Love

God wishes for us to be successful and perfect like Him. Therefore He is more interested in our character than giving us instant success.

"Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." - Matthew 5:48 (NKJV)

#4 Depth of God's Love

Pastor Kong shared about Lazarus's resurrection. He mentioned that Mary and Martha (Lazarus' sisters) wept all the way from their home to Lazarus' tomb while leading Jesus there. When Jesus asked for Lazarus' tomb, He wept.

Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
- Isaiah 53:4-5

Jesus cares for us so much that He wants to be a part of our lives. He weeps, when we weep. He smiles when we smile. He is joyful when we are in joy. He loves us even before we learn to love. His heart is broken and aches when we are heartbroken.

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My New Revelation

As I heard the words from Pastor Kong's sermon, a revelation came to me from Heaven. God spoke about an issue in my life. When I pray for a miracle or something in my life, I have forgotten to trust Him with it.

There were a few visions given by God and eventually did not come to pass. God spoke that the reason that it did not come to pass was not that He had not given. I had no faith in Him to receive them.

I had been praying for God to send me someone to love me and for this person to be a faithful servant and man of God. Yes, I prayed for this and cause I was envious of the increasing married young couples around me. I had never experienced eros before. I do not deny that I desire it but I am also fearful of it. I fear of failing in relationships. I fear of rejections. This is because I am never confident about my looks and always thought I am not worthy to be anyone's girlfriend or eventually spouse.

Recently, I had a vision from God about having someone to love me and be with me. There is a clear indication of who this person will be. Yet again, I doubt. I wonder that someone of this good quality, am I truly worthy. Is he truly meant for me? Someone who is fat and not pretty like me. I do not deny I do have talents perhaps even matching his abilities or the potential to match his talents. But my problem is always in doubt of myself and God's ability. But God asked me to trust in Him and His promises today. I decided in my heart in the service that I will stop asking if it is possible or am I worthy kind of questions. I decided to let God take the lead and eventually leading the two of us to one another and falling in love and getting married and having children and serving and loving God together eventually.

God, I pray this day that I may learn to lean of Your power and guidance.
Let me learn to trust in all Your goodness and promises.
Let me grow stronger each day in Your kingdom.
Let me work towards forming a family that You had intended for me.
Let me trust in every vision and dreams that You have put before and in me.
Let me love You each and every breath of my life.
Teach me how to pray and show me of Your way.
Let me be a faithful servant of Yours and be trusting in every word You spoke and will speak to me.
Let me trust in the visions and dreams You had promised to me and will promise to me.
Let me have more of You and less of me.
Let me die to my self and take on Your spirit and live.
Holy Spirit, come into me this day and fill me with faith and hope and love.
Let me learn to trust in God and leave all my fears and failures to Him.
Let me learn to accept shortfalls of men and my self.
Let me not be judgemental and critical.
Let me be loving. Let me be caring.
Let me be patient and long suffering as You did unto me.
Let me be forgiving. Let me be humble and not prideful.
Let me not covet or lust after what is not mine.
Let me be pure and not be sexually immoral before You.
Let me love You. Let me be by Your side.
Let me serve You.
I want to be with You, Lord!
That is my desire and my love and my heart.
Please, don't leave me or ignore me.
Love me, Lord.
Love me more with each increasing day.
I want You, Lord.
I don't want to be separated from You, Lord.
Please grant me all the desires of my heart and let me learn to trust You with every step I take and every move I make.
Make each day be a happy and joyous day in You like how I started out 2.5 years ago.
Let me find back my first love.
Fill my heart.
Fill me with Your presence.
Anoint me!
Let me serve in City Harvest Church whichever ministry you pick for me.
I love You, I love You, I love You! I can't stop loving You, God!
I can't go back to where I used to be, a place without You and Your love.
I can't.
And let me be healthy and blessed and rich and affluent =D
PLEASE let me be in Your presence forever. In Jesus's mighty name I pray and ask for all these from my heart.

AMEN! HALLELUJAH!

In the latest album by City Harvest Church named "Reign", there is this song by the name of "Sing". I sort of love the song cause of the lyrics and the way it is sung. The simplest way of telling God we will sing His praises and we will love the Godhead 3-in-1 forever.

Yesterday, I was on my dad's cab on my our way for dinner. I was listening to this song and one part of the lyrics sang: "Through the blood we can be one..." All of a sudden, I had some sort of revelation. Ah... this might not be the usual things I will write of talk about but I feel that I should really document it down. It is more to address to the sisters or female out there.

Something ran across my mind when I was closing my eyes and experiencing the deep emotions of the song. I thought that when woman spill their virgin blood on their marriage bed when they consummate their marriage with their husband, wouldn't that be considered oneness after that as they were once separate bodies but when that act was done after marriage, the once separated body had committed to one another to be one after that and forever. Then it came to my mind that shouldn't all women keep their virginity till they marry their husband. For to me virginity is like a gift to your husband and giving to him is like an act of promise and commitment. Therefore, I felt at that moment that it is truly important for ladies to keep themselves chaste till the time to commit arise through marriage.

Having this revelation is not to judge anybody who isn't a virgin before marriage, I truly say from my heart. But its just a moment of revelation as in this is why we women were always held esteemed for our chastity. It is an act of promise and commitment into oneness.

Amen.

I thank God for His wonderful works and ideas about me. I thank Him for having me in His mind and creating me 26 years ago that I may live and be a blessing to the people around me.

Last Friday, my new cg celebrated Xinjun and my birthday at Riverwalk. Wen Kai (my new cgl) prayed for us. One of the things he prayed for me is for me to continue to be a joy to others. A few things happened after that.

1) There was this joy when Mike Connell was delivering the people filling in my heart. I told Xinjun that my heart felt filled. To be exact, I was filled with love and warmth.

2) This morning of my birthday an unusual moment of peace and love and joy.

I think my birth day is already the greatest present God has ever given me. For life is priceless. It has no price tag with it. Jesus paid for our lives with His blood. I am meant for all the blessings and love God could give from the day He intended my creation.

God, love perhaps is an understatement for my feelings towards You. But You have said there is none greater than love.

I love You, my Father in Heaven.
May Your name be glorified through the things I do each day
May the things I do brings a bright smile in Your face
May I lean on You each day and You will be all of my provision
Let me learn to forgive and forgive freely each day of those who trespass me
As You have forgiven me of all my trespasses
Let the devil tempt me naught and draw me away or separate me from You
Be with me each day my Father in Heaven that You may watch and guide my way
I love You with each rising sun and setting day
The moon at night shines bright of Your love
It may naught be seen all times but surely it is there
I know that all the love, power, authority, glory, joy, peace comes from You, my Heavenly Father
Let me be Your faithful servant, beloved daughter, best-est friend and the apple of Your eye ^-^
Oh I just SOOOOOOO LOVE YOU LA! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
GOD I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!

It is 6 more days to a cycle of 365 days before I made my last entry.

Life wasn't like before. The carefree, simple, jovial, bubbly, easily angry little Amy anymore. The past year of trials and tribulations is the most difficult part of my walk with Jesus and the most difficult part of my life.

The 1st half of the year began with learning a dark secret of my family and coping with sinister family background that I had never knew. Yet this was not the most trying part of my faith.

The 2nd half of the year went on with stronger spiritual attacks that could just robbed me not just of my faith but my life. My dearest and best-est of friends or rather my darling "mum" passed away. Yet again in my life, I lost the love of my life. 18 years ago was my grandmother and it had created a deep wound in my heart. 18 years later, its the friend that I would die for. Seriously, I thought of ways to end my life and cried throughout almost every single days to the point that my eyes are seriously sore.

But God had never failed to show me His love even in times when I decided to question or challenge Him. I asked God if you want to torture me then why not you kill me. But each time, God would just be ever gracious to me in alot of ways.

He even provided me with a hope to live on for tomorrow and provided the means to it. I managed to get into UniSim to do a 3yrs direct honours course for Biomedical Engineering when I do not have Biology background. I was even provided for my school fees before the close of the payment deadline to pay for my school fees.

When God closes one way, He opens manymore other ways for you. I have only 1 strong wish now which is for my celgroup to revive and grew stronger and stronger each day.

Amen!

Hi, my name is Amy.

This is a diary created by me to record down my daily experiences with God, our Holy Father, with the encouragement of my friend.

Before I came home to our Father, I was like a lost ship filled with resentment of life due to the memories I had since I was a child.

I hope to use my diary to share with my friends and people who reads my diary about God and hope that each one of you will come back to Him eventually.

Praise be with Lord Jesus and our Heavenly Father! Amen.

* I wish that I will live each and every day for the purpose for our Heavenly Father and His Will.

* I aspire to go to Bible Study School and be actively a part of Daddy in Heaven's Kingdom.

* I want to be both a ministry and missionary to Daddy in Heaven.

* I will have my eyes on Him soley so that I will not fear of the shame of my past, present or future and all in my mind will be for His Kingdom.

* I will love the people around me and accept their differences for no one is perfect inculding me.

* I want to be baptised by 2008.

* I shall spread the Good News of Daddy in Heaven for people to come home to Him just as I have been redeemed.

March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
December 2008
December 2009
July 2010
January 2011

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