Monday, March 31, 2008;
A sudden thought
? 6:38 AM
Today I was doing the usual thoughts to myself at work. Suddenly, something strike me.
A few months ago, I was down to the bottom pit of my life. I wanted to die badly as I could not see light to my future. My health is very bad and I felt lost about future cause I see nothing in it. All I can see is the darkness of death looming in my head.
Further to the burden of death lingering around me, I had financial problems, work problems, family problems and a nonsensical mum to deal with. Adding on to all these problems to make it worst, there were 4 death cases around me in a mere 3 month period. I was so depressed until I could not take it.
Then there was this miraculous moment that God planned for me to make it a turning point in my life to bring my life from hopeless to filled with grace and light.
That day was to have a gathering for Loi before he transfer to dotCOM. We went as a team to T3 for makan session. So after makan, our boss brought us around to walk walk. So the herd of ladies with me, went to this spice shop and beside the spice shop is Times Bookshop. Half of us were not interested in spices so we went to the bookshop for a walk.
I wanted to get Lillian Too's book for Rats in 2008. But I could not find it. So I turn here and there to look for it. Then was the down time in my life and after talking to Cham Hui, she inspired me to find a purpose for my life. There laying before me was the purple covered book with gold lettering reading: The Purpose Driven Life".
I was captivated by it. It seemed like a driftwood in the big ocean that my shipwreck had been. I did not get it at first sight. I walked away and tried to look for the intended book again. But that book on the shelf had caught my heart. I walked back and think a second time. Then I did the magical thing to grab it and made payment for it. So I happily brought it home with me.
Though I brought it home with me, but I did not start on it immediately. Then Chinese New Year was nearing and all my problems hoarded in like herds of buffaloes tramping across a plain. I felt so overwhelmed and lost. Then I shared with Cham Hui again on my problems, then she said she has a book to share with me. I also told her I got a book to get my self encouraged but I have not started on it. Then I told her the name of the book. Voila! She actually wanted to introduce this book to me.
Without further hesitation, I tore open the wrapper and started reading it. When I was at chapter 2, the Chapter's name caught my attention. It read: "You Are Not An Accident." I nearly cried. I always believed that my existence is just an accident cause I am an unplanned child. My parents got married because of me and many jolly years in my life, my mum mistreat me cause of this fact. Suddenly, I felt so relieved and happy cause I hated my existence. I always thought I was born to suffer and be mistreated. But no, God planned me for His Kingdom and I am loved by Him.
This slowly begin to change my view and my self value for myself. Also thankful to Brian for sharing with me about self-worth and all, that made me think deeper and work on it.
After finishing the book, my life directions had all changed. From an aimless boat, I became a fully geared sailing ship on my way to my destination. God showed me the way and told me that eternity is waiting for me. For all love God had given me, I shall work extra hard to bless Him back because of His blessing for me.
I thank Jesus for redeeming us through his suffering and death. I thank Father in Heaven for His love that He gave His only Son for us sinners. Thanks God for His Grace. Hallelujah!
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
