My Spritual Diary

Wouldn't it be better if we just follow?

2011-01-02T00:13:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, I decided to start reading the mountain heaps of books that I have invested in the last 3 years.

I picked up the book that I bought a couple of years ago by Max Lucado titled: "When God whispers your name".

Well, I bought this book with a reason, cause of its attention-getting title. When I first came to City Harvest, on 2 separate occasions, I heard someone calling my name when there was nobody around. I turned around and saw no one. After that, I realised it was God who was calling me. But I did not answered. So when I saw this book, I thought I should get it. As usual, I would leave it somewhere till I have the time to read it.

Today, I started from the first chapter again. I had a new revelation reading this same old chapter that I read several years ago. The title of the chapter is named : "The Song of the Minstrel".

In this chapter, Max and his wife Denalyn went shopping with his 3 children at an antique shop. All of a sudden, some nice piano music got into his ears and he searched for the source. He saw a girl playing the piano there and to his surprise, that was his girl, Andrea. He thought to himself that perhaps Andrea had gotten the genes from his side of the family. But as he drew closer, he realised that Andre was "playing" a player piano. He saw the delight in her face. She attempted to play "Chopsticks" but ended up playing "The Sound of Music" that couldn't fail.

He concluded that did God not do the same thing for us? He prepared a "player piano" for us to follow. All we have to do is follow and we would not fail.

Sometimes in life, I do go through things that I do not know how to go pass a certain crisis or to do a certain thing well. I always will try to go my own way and try to do certain things. But I simply forgotten the fact or the art of following. God has already planned out a route for us to take that He has blessed the path and prepared the necessities that we need to go through it. All we need to do is just to follow, but our stubborn "sheep" nature will often get us lost.

I pray that from today that I may recognise the voice of my Lord and the hands of my God so that when He stretches it out to lead me, I will just follow :)

2010-07-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

The Beatitudes

Then He lifted up His eyes toward His disciples, and said:
“ Blessed are you poor,
For yours is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who hunger now,
For you shall be filled.
Blessed are you who weep now,
For you shall laugh.
Blessed are you when men hate you,
And when they exclude you,
And revile you, and cast out your name as evil,
For the Son of Man’s sake.
Rejoice in that day and leap for joy!
For indeed your reward is great in heaven,
For in like manner their fathers did to the prophets.

Jesus Pronounces Woes

“ But woe to you who are rich,
For you have received your consolation.
Woe to you who are full,
For you shall hunger.
Woe to you who laugh now,
For you shall mourn and weep.
Woe to you[a] when all men speak well of you,
For so did their fathers to the false prophets.

Luke 6:20-26

I am a lump of clay in God's hands.

2010-07-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

God, I am a lump of clay in Your hands. Mould me in Your way. Do and undo and redo all at Your will till the perfection You intended for me is accomplished. Amen!

This is the sudden thought that I had while reading the bible and remembering what Xinjun said about my spiritual growth. She said that it boomed till high and went for a dip and plateaued till now.

All of a sudden, I remembered a sermon that I think was preached by Pastor Kong or Pastor Ulf. It was about an analogy of God is doing pottery and the pots are us. We are initially a lump of clay and God was forming us from water and clay. Some way through God realised that there was an impurity there, He decided to restart again.

It made me realised that I had been hit a reset button by God. My growth rocketed but it won't be steady if I rocketed too fast. He brought me back to ground zero and made me grow bit by bit or even allowing me to plateau to let me see the importance of growing steadily in His Kingdom and my walk with Him.

There is no overnight maturity. Without the necessary experiences, how can maturity come? It is just His way of training me. I thank You Lord and I can proudly say I am ready to step out and start growing again at Your pace now.

I realised that I regained some part of my sanity and spirituality especially with the things I did today and being able to be in sync with the world again. I was very amazed by it.

Finally I have start to step out of my own desert and walk towards the Oasis that God has prepared for me.

Finally.

A new revelation

2010-07-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Pastor Kong preached about the topic on LOVE.

Pastor Kong preached that there are 4 ways of expressing love in Greek language.

1) Storge (Love of family)
2) Eros (Love of passion)
3) Phileo (Love of friendship)
4) Agape (Love of total commitment. It can also be interpreted as the love for God.)

His focus was on Agape the love for God and total commitment and based on Ephesians 3:18.

"may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height" - Ephesians 3:18 (NKJV)

#1 Width of God's Love

God is broadminded, welcoming and all accepting.

#2 Length of God's Love

Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens;
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the great mountains;
Your judgments are a great deep;
O LORD, You preserve man and beast.
- Psalm 36:5-6 (NKJV)

God is ever loving, everlasting and limitless. He is ever patient and long suffering with us. He loves us so much that He grants every desires of our heart and every prayers of ours even after we pass on from earth.

#3 Height of God's Love

God wishes for us to be successful and perfect like Him. Therefore He is more interested in our character than giving us instant success.

"Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." - Matthew 5:48 (NKJV)

#4 Depth of God's Love

Pastor Kong shared about Lazarus's resurrection. He mentioned that Mary and Martha (Lazarus' sisters) wept all the way from their home to Lazarus' tomb while leading Jesus there. When Jesus asked for Lazarus' tomb, He wept.

Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
- Isaiah 53:4-5

Jesus cares for us so much that He wants to be a part of our lives. He weeps, when we weep. He smiles when we smile. He is joyful when we are in joy. He loves us even before we learn to love. His heart is broken and aches when we are heartbroken.

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My New Revelation

As I heard the words from Pastor Kong's sermon, a revelation came to me from Heaven. God spoke about an issue in my life. When I pray for a miracle or something in my life, I have forgotten to trust Him with it.

There were a few visions given by God and eventually did not come to pass. God spoke that the reason that it did not come to pass was not that He had not given. I had no faith in Him to receive them.

I had been praying for God to send me someone to love me and for this person to be a faithful servant and man of God. Yes, I prayed for this and cause I was envious of the increasing married young couples around me. I had never experienced eros before. I do not deny that I desire it but I am also fearful of it. I fear of failing in relationships. I fear of rejections. This is because I am never confident about my looks and always thought I am not worthy to be anyone's girlfriend or eventually spouse.

Recently, I had a vision from God about having someone to love me and be with me. There is a clear indication of who this person will be. Yet again, I doubt. I wonder that someone of this good quality, am I truly worthy. Is he truly meant for me? Someone who is fat and not pretty like me. I do not deny I do have talents perhaps even matching his abilities or the potential to match his talents. But my problem is always in doubt of myself and God's ability. But God asked me to trust in Him and His promises today. I decided in my heart in the service that I will stop asking if it is possible or am I worthy kind of questions. I decided to let God take the lead and eventually leading the two of us to one another and falling in love and getting married and having children and serving and loving God together eventually.

God, I pray this day that I may learn to lean of Your power and guidance.
Let me learn to trust in all Your goodness and promises.
Let me grow stronger each day in Your kingdom.
Let me work towards forming a family that You had intended for me.
Let me trust in every vision and dreams that You have put before and in me.
Let me love You each and every breath of my life.
Teach me how to pray and show me of Your way.
Let me be a faithful servant of Yours and be trusting in every word You spoke and will speak to me.
Let me trust in the visions and dreams You had promised to me and will promise to me.
Let me have more of You and less of me.
Let me die to my self and take on Your spirit and live.
Holy Spirit, come into me this day and fill me with faith and hope and love.
Let me learn to trust in God and leave all my fears and failures to Him.
Let me learn to accept shortfalls of men and my self.
Let me not be judgemental and critical.
Let me be loving. Let me be caring.
Let me be patient and long suffering as You did unto me.
Let me be forgiving. Let me be humble and not prideful.
Let me not covet or lust after what is not mine.
Let me be pure and not be sexually immoral before You.
Let me love You. Let me be by Your side.
Let me serve You.
I want to be with You, Lord!
That is my desire and my love and my heart.
Please, don't leave me or ignore me.
Love me, Lord.
Love me more with each increasing day.
I want You, Lord.
I don't want to be separated from You, Lord.
Please grant me all the desires of my heart and let me learn to trust You with every step I take and every move I make.
Make each day be a happy and joyous day in You like how I started out 2.5 years ago.
Let me find back my first love.
Fill my heart.
Fill me with Your presence.
Anoint me!
Let me serve in City Harvest Church whichever ministry you pick for me.
I love You, I love You, I love You! I can't stop loving You, God!
I can't go back to where I used to be, a place without You and Your love.
I can't.
And let me be healthy and blessed and rich and affluent =D
PLEASE let me be in Your presence forever. In Jesus's mighty name I pray and ask for all these from my heart.

AMEN! HALLELUJAH!

Through the blood we can be one...

2010-07-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

In the latest album by City Harvest Church named "Reign", there is this song by the name of "Sing". I sort of love the song cause of the lyrics and the way it is sung. The simplest way of telling God we will sing His praises and we will love the Godhead 3-in-1 forever.

Yesterday, I was on my dad's cab on my our way for dinner. I was listening to this song and one part of the lyrics sang: "Through the blood we can be one..." All of a sudden, I had some sort of revelation. Ah... this might not be the usual things I will write of talk about but I feel that I should really document it down. It is more to address to the sisters or female out there.

Something ran across my mind when I was closing my eyes and experiencing the deep emotions of the song. I thought that when woman spill their virgin blood on their marriage bed when they consummate their marriage with their husband, wouldn't that be considered oneness after that as they were once separate bodies but when that act was done after marriage, the once separated body had committed to one another to be one after that and forever. Then it came to my mind that shouldn't all women keep their virginity till they marry their husband. For to me virginity is like a gift to your husband and giving to him is like an act of promise and commitment. Therefore, I felt at that moment that it is truly important for ladies to keep themselves chaste till the time to commit arise through marriage.

Having this revelation is not to judge anybody who isn't a virgin before marriage, I truly say from my heart. But its just a moment of revelation as in this is why we women were always held esteemed for our chastity. It is an act of promise and commitment into oneness.

Amen.

God's Creation - My Birthday

2010-07-12T01:59:00.000-07:00

I thank God for His wonderful works and ideas about me. I thank Him for having me in His mind and creating me 26 years ago that I may live and be a blessing to the people around me.

Last Friday, my new cg celebrated Xinjun and my birthday at Riverwalk. Wen Kai (my new cgl) prayed for us. One of the things he prayed for me is for me to continue to be a joy to others. A few things happened after that.

1) There was this joy when Mike Connell was delivering the people filling in my heart. I told Xinjun that my heart felt filled. To be exact, I was filled with love and warmth.

2) This morning of my birthday an unusual moment of peace and love and joy.

I think my birth day is already the greatest present God has ever given me. For life is priceless. It has no price tag with it. Jesus paid for our lives with His blood. I am meant for all the blessings and love God could give from the day He intended my creation.

God, love perhaps is an understatement for my feelings towards You. But You have said there is none greater than love.

I love You, my Father in Heaven.
May Your name be glorified through the things I do each day
May the things I do brings a bright smile in Your face
May I lean on You each day and You will be all of my provision
Let me learn to forgive and forgive freely each day of those who trespass me
As You have forgiven me of all my trespasses
Let the devil tempt me naught and draw me away or separate me from You
Be with me each day my Father in Heaven that You may watch and guide my way
I love You with each rising sun and setting day
The moon at night shines bright of Your love
It may naught be seen all times but surely it is there
I know that all the love, power, authority, glory, joy, peace comes from You, my Heavenly Father
Let me be Your faithful servant, beloved daughter, best-est friend and the apple of Your eye ^-^
Oh I just SOOOOOOO LOVE YOU LA! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
GOD I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!

A Year of Growth

2009-12-11T05:17:00.000-08:00

It is 6 more days to a cycle of 365 days before I made my last entry.

Life wasn't like before. The carefree, simple, jovial, bubbly, easily angry little Amy anymore. The past year of trials and tribulations is the most difficult part of my walk with Jesus and the most difficult part of my life.

The 1st half of the year began with learning a dark secret of my family and coping with sinister family background that I had never knew. Yet this was not the most trying part of my faith.

The 2nd half of the year went on with stronger spiritual attacks that could just robbed me not just of my faith but my life. My dearest and best-est of friends or rather my darling "mum" passed away. Yet again in my life, I lost the love of my life. 18 years ago was my grandmother and it had created a deep wound in my heart. 18 years later, its the friend that I would die for. Seriously, I thought of ways to end my life and cried throughout almost every single days to the point that my eyes are seriously sore.

But God had never failed to show me His love even in times when I decided to question or challenge Him. I asked God if you want to torture me then why not you kill me. But each time, God would just be ever gracious to me in alot of ways.

He even provided me with a hope to live on for tomorrow and provided the means to it. I managed to get into UniSim to do a 3yrs direct honours course for Biomedical Engineering when I do not have Biology background. I was even provided for my school fees before the close of the payment deadline to pay for my school fees.

When God closes one way, He opens manymore other ways for you. I have only 1 strong wish now which is for my celgroup to revive and grew stronger and stronger each day.

Amen!

Spotted and Spotless Sheeps Vision

2008-12-18T00:03:00.000-08:00

After 5 months and 10days, I have finally posted another entry for my spiritual blog again.

A few days ago, after praying cause I had lost my cool about a biting issue in my life though I should not have reacted in that way but I still lost the cool.

Then I was thinking about the people who are not saved and the people who are saved as spotted and spotless sheeps. I know that the DBS lady who agitated me so much from the actions of hers, and by discernment of the spirit, we would know she would most probably be an unsaved person. I then prayed to God that whatever actions that I had done against her will not harm her and pray that she will be saved and change for the best.

But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” - Matthew 19:26

I had this vision that all are sheeps but there are 2 sides. One side is spotted and the other side is clean and white and fluffy. God then spoke: "If I can make the sheeps spotted for Jacob, can I not make the sheeps white again?" Then I realised that through the blood of Jesus, that we are willing to accept, God can turn all of us who are born spotted and freckled back into white for He has already paid for the price 2,000 years ago.

I read something about The Polar Express, a movie some years back when I was doing my research for my games for my office's Christmas party as I was appointed to games master. I was wanting to do Christmas Movie Trivia. The ending portion was about this bell that the boy had gotten from Santa cause he believed in Santa and the meaning of Christmas. However, there was a line that says the sound may only be heard by some but not all, but the sound will always be there. Then the sister of the main character, she could not hear it at times but could hear it at other times. But the main character heard it all the time.

The difference was that he believed. Isn't this the same as the sound of the bell? The sound never fades away or was lost, it is just whether one believes in it or not. It is the same as salvation and believing in the goodness of God. His goodness and salvation and redemption is always there and will never change, it is only if we choose to believe. Then our ears may then hear what is already there and spoken, see what is in front of us, accept the truth that never change and embrace the eternal gift of God that will never fade away. By all means heaven and earth may part away, but the love, promise and goodness of God will never.

Amen.

Patience with Imperfection

2008-07-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

Patience with Imperfection
2008/07/08

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)

*** *** *** ***

Today’s guest devotional is by Jon Walker –

Humorist Dave Barry says, “A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.”

The same could be said of a perfect world or a perfect family; there’s only one way to mess things up: People!

Living with imperfect people requires patience, and you – now I say this as a friend – are one of the imperfect people who requires patience! Unfortunately, I’m an imperfect person too.

Patience means putting up with me when you’d rather lose your temper; it means forgiving me when you’d rather nurture a grudge.

In addition, patience is a muzzle on a mouth full of murmurs that are passed along as prayer requests. Patience puts the long in long-suffering. Patience is love in action because “love is patient” (1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV).

Patience and a critical spirit are mutually exclusive. Even when your complaints are justified, patience pushes and pulls you toward forgiving and forgetting: “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV).

Being patient may try our patience, but we become stronger when we learn to love imperfect people. Patience frees us to develop godly diversity in our relationships, where we no longer require everyone to act and look and think the same way we do.

The above message taken from The Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotional.
http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/en-US/FreeTools/devotional/todaysDevo/Devotional.htm?a=2653&z=1

After reading today's devotional, it struck me very hard. Cause God had been reinforcing the word and power of love in me these few days. I started on Monday a new journey with my Purpose Driven Life book for a renewal session.

Upon reading the second day on "You Are Not An Accident.", I came across this part that says of God's love and it brought me back to the part when Jesus answered the disciples on the important parts of the 10 commandments in which the first 3 is all about love. Love God with all our heart, body, mind and soul. Honour our parents (showering and showing love unto them). Love you neighbour as yourself.

Then I realised the true meaning of love your neighbour as yourself. Loving your neighbour as yourself not loving your neighbour the way you want to be treated. Nor is it to treat them how they want to be treated. But is to love our neighbour as though we are loving ourselves. It means how we treat ourselves, we treat others as though they are us.

Amen!

My first ever deliverance session

2008-07-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

Today I attended my church service with sermon from an overseas speaker. He was much heard of for me from Xin Jun that had high regards of his deliverance sessions. I was anticipating it very much.

It started off as usual of worship and praise. Then, offering and of course today's service is the first of this month. So we had the apostle's creed. Then after that we sang another praise song. After that Pastor Mike Connell came up to preach. His message was on Overcoming Disappointment. After that it was the short deliverance session.

For the first time, I felt God's very tangible presence even when I was not seated very near the stage. The Holy Spirit was with me and its warmth was so good. Suddenly, throughout the service I was very happy and laughing away. Then, it struck me that it was the Spirit of Joy that was with me. At the start of the deliverance, my deep, old and haunting wound came and affected me very badly that I ask of God to heal it and open up my heart and hand over the key to the locked room of my heart to Lord Jesus. He hugged me like a little hurt and crying baby. At the end of my deliverance, Lord Jesus showed me a revelation that is for what I have lost that was so dear to me. I will get reward by seeing souls being saved. At the end, alot of people were screaming and some were cursing. But nonetheless, as the demons and evil spirits were being delivered out of the sisters and brothers, I cry out in joy knowing that they do not need to go through the gnashing of teeth in hell if they are delivered now.

Thank you Lord for such a great session. I love You, my Lord, my Saviour =)

Who is to put a value on me when my God deems me priceless?

2008-07-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday as I was bathing, I suddenly thought of the question about value. I forgotten what exactly brought me to think about this point. But I remember how it goes was about the pull between my current job and my new job.

I felt by spirit that I am like some item in the market or the shops being put on a price tag that you worth only so much and nothing more. My current boss is extending the offer for me to stay but is offering me nothing. But my new employer is willing to concede to my seemingly demanding request and offered me a very high annual package. Suddenly, I had the revelation on who is to put a value on me when my Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven deemed me priceless and paid for me with His blood that is the most precious thing on earth and was granted freely. If my Father in Heaven sets His Eyes on me before I was even born and gave me so many unique and special things to this baby princess of His, who is to judge or valuate me with a scale.

Likewise, I shall NEVER judge or valuate someone's worth in the Kingdom of God, for everything in God's Kingdom is priceless. Everyone is paid for with a priceless gift, the blood of Christ.

O Father in Heaven, let me not judge or measure another with a ruler, lest I'd be judged in the same manner. Also, please bind my tongue when it wishes to speak evil and let it loose to speak of good.

Amem!

Rock of my life

2008-06-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

I wrote a song today with the inspiration from Psalms 18:28 - "You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;my God turns my darkness into light."

Rock of my life

O Lord, Keep my lamp burning
Pour down Your oil from Heaven
Anoint me with Your Mighty Hand
Turn my darkness into light

For at the sound of Your Word
Night turns into day
For at the works of Your breathe
Stars filled the skies

Stardust of the night skies sing out Your praise
The sun and the moon sing out Your glory
For the wondrous works of Your hand
Created the Heavens and the earth

You are merciful and with grace
Filled my heart with Your tender love
Watching over me everyday
I love You, my Lord
For You are the Rock of my life

Sigh... but I do not know how toplay any instrument. How nice if I can find anyone to fill it in with music for this song to praise and worship my Lord.

Pray that I may find such a kind soul to do it =D

Joshua 1:6

2008-06-25T06:01:00.000-07:00

"Be strong and of good courage, for to this people you shall divide as an inheritance the land which I swore to their fathers to give them." - Joshua 1:6

This is God's encouragement to me when I made my first step of obedience. I was listening to one of Pst Kong's earlier preaching - " The Sacrifice of Praise".

If I want to receive God's blessings, I will have to sacrifice first. God knows exactly what is the sacrifice that will pleases Him. So let my Lord choose the sacrifice worthy of His blessings. My Father in Heaven knows what is best for me. For I know wherever my Lord brings me, it is for good, growth and prosperity.

Thank you Father for choosing what is best for me. Thank you. Amen!

Price to Pay for Obedience

2008-06-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

I think I need to grow up fervently and not slowly like a snail. I also need to obey swiftly even swifter than the swallow. Not like a stubborn cow refusing to budge. Obedience comes with a price to pay. But God rewards that obedience so abundantly that it overwhelms the price to such a small little thing. I just have to work hard and obey. OK! To Canaan the Promised Land I GO GO GO!!!

If there is anything we need to find an answer, we need to seek God and not men

2008-06-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

I was continuing my reading on the book of Job on one of the CG member's situation. I realised something from this book is that whatever doubts we have about some things in our life, we should seek comfort and advice from God first. We should put all our faith in God and know for sure all the good things He will give to us and in times of bad, we should also believe that it is a time where God puts us to trial and we shall not just seek what we did wrong but also seek how should we change for God to forgive us. And when we had incur our Lord's fury, we should pray to Him fervently and trust in Him that so long as we repent, He will receive us when time has come.

In terms of financial blessings, I start to feel the effect of Luke 6:38. Hehe...

"Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again." - Luke 6:38 (KJV)

On Sat, I have to meet Su Lai at 12pm for lunch then go to Whitesands to meet Xin Lian to go together with her to Xin Jun's house for small group prayers. Then I woke up early and went to buy breakfast for my family. My mum is a vegetarian so I went to the vegetarian stall and ordered the food she asked for. The lady had a bit of confusion on whether the box cost 20 cents or 30 cents. So in the end she collected 30 cents for it. So I went to buy for my brothers and myself from a stall further down the plaza. After that when I came back, the lady handed me the food and 10 cents saying she overcharged. For me I felt, WOAH! Even though it wasnt a large amount but it felt like the verse saying "shall men give into your bosom." that was total honesty and a move from God. For she may have not been honest enough to return me since she has collected it. But HALLELUJIAH! Praise my Lord!

That was part 1. Part 2 was yesterday, Father's day 15 Jun 08. After dinner with my dad, we went NTUC. He was not well so he was at home so we went opposite and eat together. We went to NTUC to buy a loaf of bread. Suddenly, my dad remembered he has a $5 NTUC voucher and said will pass to me to buy things. Then when I come home, he really gave me the $5 voucher. Oh my! That's another blessing from my God. YESH! Imagine in 1 day I have a 50x difference of blessing. Woots!

I am worthless without God

2008-06-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning as I was doing my daily prayers, I had a revelation on my life and how its worth comes about. I am not ashame to admit I have a dark and painful past and family background and history. Those were the hideous days of my life and they were so dark, I even tried ending my life.

However today after praying, I had a revelation that all the days I suffered through could still be nothing if I am still alone myself. But when my life starts to fill in with God's purpose and will for me, the wisdom and light came. Those days were the foundation years and preparations for me to set off in God's kingdom. God came into my life and made all those tribulations, pain, blood, tears, sufferings, agony, despair and darkness meaningful. As I read Job today, I realise these are things to test out faith in God. The more we are tested and we win against the devil to glorify our God even more, we get our reward handsomely in growing exceedingly and incredibly.

It is God who made my days and trials worthwhile and put a meaning to them. I am worthless without God.

Amen!

Prayers Today @ Xin Jun's place

2008-06-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today after lunching with lai lai, I went ahead as planned to meet up with Xin Lian at Whitesands to go to Xin Jun's place for a prayer session. It was a great session and Xin Lian's personal prayers for me touched me and showed me and reconfirmed God's purpose for my life. I know it is time I start to hurry of the work given to me. I know sadness and pain awaits me further for persecution awaits me. This had slightly started with the attacks recently. The attacks were not of baby Chris level. The devil is now working even earnestly cause this idiot starts to realise my purpose for God. But you will not take me away from my God. I must learn not to be over anxious and also humble myself so that the idiot donkey has no way to attack me.

When I was young, I been through tonnes of tribulations in almost all possible areas. I wonder why so and why me. But I remember a chinese phrase says: "天降大任于私人也，苦其心志，劳其筋骨，伤其体肤。" Thus often I wonder why I have to go through so much pain and trials, where most of my friends except a few do not go through these tortures. But now then I know it is the love of my God to train me to a worthy servant to testify for His Kingdom. God, my Abba Father, thank you fr your love and the trust, faith and belief you have in me. Father, I pray to You that I will continue to be a worth child of Your Kingdom to do the works You will for me.

Amen!

Mark 15:26 (King James Version)

2008-06-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

Mark 15:26 (King James Version)

"the superscription of his accusation was written over, THE KING OF THE JEWS."

What does this mean from God? Nevermind, this is confirmed that our Lord Jesus is the King of ALL the earth. Devil SHUT UP!

1 Kings 17:1-7

2008-06-07T12:25:00.000-07:00

I am now very tight on my finances due to certain reasons and life down times. I was so sad and almost to tears thinking of my health f/up to come and committments happening this June 08. I am almost berseking especially that stupid evil idiot keeps attacking me. So Xin Jun advised me to drive that idiot out in our God's name and pray to God on pledge of Lord Jesus's blood for provision and breakthrough.

After that I prayed to God for His word to walk me through my situation and tell me how to handle it. And He gave me this verse from the bible:

1 Kings 17:1-7 (NKJV)

Elijah Proclaims a Drought
1 And Elijah the Tishbite, of the inhabitants of Gilead, said to Ahab, “As the LORD God of Israel lives, before whom I stand, there shall not be dew nor rain these years, except at my word.”
2 Then the word of the LORD came to him, saying, 3 “Get away from here and turn eastward, and hide by the Brook Cherith, which flows into the Jordan. 4 And it will be that you shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there.”
5 So he went and did according to the word of the LORD, for he went and stayed by the Brook Cherith, which flows into the Jordan. 6 The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening; and he drank from the brook. 7 And it happened after a while that the brook dried up, because there had been no rain in the land.

God is telling me that I need not worry for He will give me food and water to survive. My God is truly a lovely God who loves =) The best part is Pastor Robb Thompson's message today is on abundance and giving. Oh my God, that is the very topic that I need in my life now. Praise the Lord!

L.I.F.E

2008-05-24T10:51:00.000-07:00

I attended service today at Expo and the pastor who preaches is Pst Tan. His topic is on L.I.F.E. (living the Abrahamic covenant with God)

1) Leaving to Cleave

- God asked Abraham to leave his homeland to go to a place unknown to himself but know to God. Abraham obeyed God with faith and he was blessed greatly and his descendants multiplied like stars in the sky and like sand in the shore. All because he obeyed God faithfully and trusted God so much that he is willing to sacrifice his only son Issac to God without second thoughts.

* Pst Tan was talking of 2 step closer to God is to obey God to serve His purpose for us in our lives to find the missing rib of our life. Then we shall be fruitful and multiply for God's family. Sigh, this addressed directly at my thought of not wanting to married these days. I know that it is the purpose of my life to be part of God's family, to love Him and to obey Him faithfully. Let God decides who He wants me to marry then. Let me have the heart of obedience to my husband made to rule over me.

2) Intimacy with God

- We need to draw close to God and not be far away. We need to 1st respond to the Altar Call to God to believe in Him. Then we need to seek Him to meet Him face to face.

* We need to pray earnestly to God everyday. We need to believe in Him even when there is not a single sign from Him and when He seems to be far away. Believe by faith that God is always with us and know where we are going like what Job said, no matter when he looked to North, South, East and West, he cannot seem to find God's presence. But he knows that God knows where Job is going. We have to sincerely trust our God.

3) Faith in God

- Wolly follow the law
- Fidelity/ Loyalty/ Trust/ Steadfast
- When we are loyal to God, blessings would come.
- When we are loyal to God, number 4 will come.

4) Example through brokenness

- 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 -> Life comes out of death
- John 6:51 -> Jesus's body was offered for us to live.
- Isaiah 53:3 -> He was wounded for our transgressions.
- Before we can be used by God, we have to be broken. When Mary anoint Jesus with the perfume oil, she has to break the vessel holding the oil before its fragrance can fill the room. And if we want to be used by God and be loyal and faithfully to Him, our hearts need to be broken first.

* My Lord, I thank you for Your love. Before I was loyal, You helped me to break my life first and made my walk with You to be filled with understanding and of steadfast growth. You chose me and created me and set me apart for Your special work. There is nothing I can say or do to express my gratitude for Your purely and totally FREE love. Thanks for the free gift and allow me to glorify You by using my life to serve Your Kingdom faithfully and obediently.

And today I did a thing by the spirit which is to answer to the Altar Call to be a CGL in future and be one of God's shepherd. God, I will not run away from Your call ever again =) Thank you with all my life for Your ultimate greatest love. Amen =D

Counting my blessings

2008-05-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

Connect Group was shifted from Friday to Thursday as Chris' place is not available this week. So we went to another connect group's place. For the first time, I shared my testimony at connect group. I shared about my blessings in finances whereby my mum helped to pay for the utilities bill in May 08 willingly and offering to pay half of it in June 08.

For this I truly thank our God for this blessing as this is one of the greatest breakthrough in my life. My mum is a well known self-centered person and she hardly will extend this kind of friendly gestures from her own will and heart. But she did for the first time in my life since I start to have memories. Hallelujiah, praise be with our God.

Thank you for walking with me to give me the faith to start tithing and offering more faithfully and out of love.

After connect group, I came home and opened the letterbox (as I am the only person who has the keys) as usual. In it, there laid the best breakthrough and surprise I ever had in my life. My dad's appeal for CPF was granted for his renewal of license crieria to be lighten. OH MY GOD, THANK YOU! He only have to pay 5% of what is required of the original upfront to solve his problem. This is truly grace from our Lord. This is gratitude that I have in my heart that cannot be explained in words. I pray to Lord that my faith and belief and love for Him will still be there even when He doesn't show me signs. Amen.

Also reflecting on what the pastors had been preaching for the past weeks, we are into a season of prayers. I realise a big difference from my walk with God from my previous on and off days. This time I am here to stay and I am given the most powerful tool that even Lord Jesus used daily in His times. It is prayer. I started praying faithfully to God and talking to Him everyday. I realise that my life is not so empty and is more fulfilled. I am actually having a 2 way communication with Him and not just sitting in church like a woodblock listening to scriptures with ears that do not hear with my heart, with eyes to see but not with my soul. The life I am having now is so fulfilled and focus that the love of God is so near and not distant. His love made me overcome alot of things and grow wiser.

I am God's prayer warrior, I wield the Sword of His Words bestowed by Him to charge bravely and courageously at the devil every breathing moment of my life. My Lord let me not be a backslider but a courageous warrior for You and bless You with all things that I do that pleases Your eyes and heart. Thank you Lord Daddy in Heaven. Arigatou for Your GREAT LOVE that you shed blood for us on a cross to pay a pricey price to redeem us. We were sinners that do not deserve Your Great Love yet You love us earnestly and so great that You gave Your Only Son to save us. Thank you Papa. I LOVE YOU! Kamisama Papa, watashi aishiteru yo ne ^-^. Ero ero, Hontoni Arigatou!

18 April 2008

2008-04-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

18 April 2008 was a rather bad day for me. It is a day with series of unfortunate events from morning till afternoon. Over-charged breakfast, sudden rush due to some nonsensical business partner committing without checking, silly regulations that may cost a contract and silly mistakes of not having company stamp on contract leading to eventually late for my briefing this afternoon making it a wasted effort.

I was so dejected and sick till I was telling Yong Ling, this day had been spoilt and I won't enjoy the movie tonight that I was anticipating greatly. But I was totally wrong. I realise that if we do things alone as a person, we will always be attacked and be fooled by the devil. But when we seek God's words and guidance, we are always protected and wiser then ourselves alone. This proves the thing shared by Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life. We, humans, alone are weak and in God we are strong.

Just a simple session reading of bible of about 40 minutes, it actually lifted my spirits from the lowest of low to the highest of the high. Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! I love you GOD!!! ^-^

Isaiah 9:7

2008-04-02T04:45:00.000-07:00

God had been giving me insights on things but I do not seem to understand. So I prayed to Him to show me the way of what He wants me to serve Him about. I prayed to Him that I will use the bible to seek His answers.

For the page I flip to and the first verse that catches my eye, that will be His answer for me. Thus I did it and got this verse:

"Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this." - Isaiah 9:7

I do not understand this message. It seems that I need to seek guidance from a pastor or my closest friend among believers and whom brought me to church to enlighten me on what God wants me to do.

I also read the page with the number that had been shown to me all the time and found this:

A maskil of David. When he was in the cave. A prayer.

" I cry out loud to teh Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have a hidden snare for me.

Look to my right and see; no-one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no-one cares for my life.

I cry to you, O Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of living."

Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me.

Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name.

Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me." - Psalm 142 1:7

I pray that I will be able to understand God's words for me so that I may act according to His will. Amen.

A sudden thought

2008-03-31T06:38:00.000-07:00

Today I was doing the usual thoughts to myself at work. Suddenly, something strike me.

A few months ago, I was down to the bottom pit of my life. I wanted to die badly as I could not see light to my future. My health is very bad and I felt lost about future cause I see nothing in it. All I can see is the darkness of death looming in my head.

Further to the burden of death lingering around me, I had financial problems, work problems, family problems and a nonsensical mum to deal with. Adding on to all these problems to make it worst, there were 4 death cases around me in a mere 3 month period. I was so depressed until I could not take it.

Then there was this miraculous moment that God planned for me to make it a turning point in my life to bring my life from hopeless to filled with grace and light.

That day was to have a gathering for Loi before he transfer to dotCOM. We went as a team to T3 for makan session. So after makan, our boss brought us around to walk walk. So the herd of ladies with me, went to this spice shop and beside the spice shop is Times Bookshop. Half of us were not interested in spices so we went to the bookshop for a walk.

I wanted to get Lillian Too's book for Rats in 2008. But I could not find it. So I turn here and there to look for it. Then was the down time in my life and after talking to Cham Hui, she inspired me to find a purpose for my life. There laying before me was the purple covered book with gold lettering reading: The Purpose Driven Life".

I was captivated by it. It seemed like a driftwood in the big ocean that my shipwreck had been. I did not get it at first sight. I walked away and tried to look for the intended book again. But that book on the shelf had caught my heart. I walked back and think a second time. Then I did the magical thing to grab it and made payment for it. So I happily brought it home with me.

Though I brought it home with me, but I did not start on it immediately. Then Chinese New Year was nearing and all my problems hoarded in like herds of buffaloes tramping across a plain. I felt so overwhelmed and lost. Then I shared with Cham Hui again on my problems, then she said she has a book to share with me. I also told her I got a book to get my self encouraged but I have not started on it. Then I told her the name of the book. Voila! She actually wanted to introduce this book to me.

Without further hesitation, I tore open the wrapper and started reading it. When I was at chapter 2, the Chapter's name caught my attention. It read: "You Are Not An Accident." I nearly cried. I always believed that my existence is just an accident cause I am an unplanned child. My parents got married because of me and many jolly years in my life, my mum mistreat me cause of this fact. Suddenly, I felt so relieved and happy cause I hated my existence. I always thought I was born to suffer and be mistreated. But no, God planned me for His Kingdom and I am loved by Him.

This slowly begin to change my view and my self value for myself. Also thankful to Brian for sharing with me about self-worth and all, that made me think deeper and work on it.

After finishing the book, my life directions had all changed. From an aimless boat, I became a fully geared sailing ship on my way to my destination. God showed me the way and told me that eternity is waiting for me. For all love God had given me, I shall work extra hard to bless Him back because of His blessing for me.

I thank Jesus for redeeming us through his suffering and death. I thank Father in Heaven for His love that He gave His only Son for us sinners. Thanks God for His Grace. Hallelujah!

30 March 2008

2008-03-30T07:25:00.000-07:00

" Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be." - Job 8:7 (NIV)

This was one of the verses that Pastor Tan shared with us in service today. He was showing us the miracle of the effect of multiplication of 2 times per day for 31 days with a start of $0.01 from Day 1. At the end of the 31st day, we end up with $10,737,418.24 earnings for that day.

He was teaching us about saving from little and how can it eventually grow big in the long run. I felt that God was telling me that: "My dear child, it is time to give up on your old ways and start living the way that I intend for you."

Cause prior to the service, Pastor Tan was sharing about bible school and how we should decide on it and do it now. He said that procrasination is the enemy of ours that stops us from suceeding. When he was sharing this portion, I suddenly have a thought and a desire to go to bible school and I said to myself that I will go to bible school so that I can serve as a pastor. That thought actually shocked me. I am not sure if that was what God intended for me, but if that is for His will and Kingdom, I will faithfully obey.

Also over the past week, I had been planning to start saving money for missionary for this year. But I always have a bad habit of splurging my money on my desires that are never a need. Like an rather expensive meal to comfort myself, buying shoes after shoes just because I want them and not need them. This had always been my stumbling point that I had not been able to save. Furthermore to that, I now owe my aunt $4000 due to the cancellation of my edu loan and have to do a monthly repayment of $300 per month.

I also have monthly committment of utilities bill for my family of around $250p.m., my hp and internet bills amounting to $140 alogether p.m. and my endowment committment of $73p.m.

All these expenses are not inclusive of my transport and food expense that sets aside about $300 for both.

Furthermore, I have signed with amount of roughly $200 to $500 a month for my credit cards.

So when Pastor Tan said that we should set aside 10% for tithe and 10% for savings, I was very stressed up and at a loss of what should I do. Then pastor said that what he does monthly is to set aside his tithe and savings first then he starts planning for his bills and expenses.

I really want to save up badly cause I want to go for missionary and attend bible school. But cause of my family and financial committements that are unable to give way and I also do not have the cash for bible school fees.

So starting tomorrow, I am going to start a one month fasting period till end of April 2008 to seek a breakthrough in my finance management so that I can put tithe and savings before anything and I will manage my finance wisely.

May God give me the will, determination, strength and power to do so. Amen!

Praise be with the Lord!

23 March 2008

2008-03-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

Today is 23 March 2008 at midnight 1.51am Singapore Time.

This is my very first post in my spiritual diary. I must sincerely thank Lord Jesus for what he had gone through to redeem us sinners. I remember what I read in the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It said something like this, He who have not sinned was put on the cross for us sinners.

I went to the Easter play at City Harvest with Xin Jun on Friday. When they were showing the scene of Jesus being tortured and put on cross, I cried again. The first time I cried was when I watched the Passion of Christ. If Jesus had bleed for our redemption and why should we not come to our Father.

When Pastor was saying who wishes to receive Christ into our lives, I put up my hand. That moment, I felt Daddy in Heaven's hand on my forehead. It was as though He was telling me all the shame of my past pain and sins and agony no longer mattered in His will and presence.

Btw, I call our Heavenly Father, Daddy in Heaven. Hehe... cos I think Daddy is a more intimate way of calling Him. Why should we be so distant and call Him, Father and not Daddy... hehe...

Thank you Daddy for my day. Though I may fall into the traps of the devil but You are always quick to show me the way. Oh Lord Daddy, please kindly guide me such that I will be able to handle my mum's differences from me. Good night Daddy in Heaven!